it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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