Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
