He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
