3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
