Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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