Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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