I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
