I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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