Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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