its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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