Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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