When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
