singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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