I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
