brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
