??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i now understand why vodka
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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