i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
