dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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