I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
