just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
