Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
