I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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