My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MIDGETS
????
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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