your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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