She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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