Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize