It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize