I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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