I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
