i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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