Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
