dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
