everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
