I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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