He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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