all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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