He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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