Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
