he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
