I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
