how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
