Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
