A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will be naked everywhere
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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