There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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