My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
