I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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