We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am naked and annoyed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
