Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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