then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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