After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize