Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize