I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
