I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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