I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
