How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
