i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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