I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
