How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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