I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
