Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
