so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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