I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know her cup size but not her name....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
