he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
