the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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