The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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