Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
