PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
