I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
