Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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