I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
