im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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