anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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