hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
