im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
