just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
