I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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