Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize