I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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