Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
