Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
