i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
