We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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