evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
