I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
