I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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