The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
