By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
