we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize