Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
