And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize