I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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