Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize