i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
