so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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