wakey wakey hands off snakey
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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