...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize