Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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