Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He has the fingertips of a God
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
