Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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