as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
