He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
