So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
