come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
