Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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