I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
