so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
why is half of my head shaved?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
